This part is a joke:
This part isn’t:
The oldest living record for a goldfish was 43 years old. The oldest known living Koi, 226 years, from 1751 to 1977.
The average goldfish bought from a pet shop only lives for about 24 hours after you buy them. No, its not the fishes fault, you just killed the little guy because you know nothing about how to take care of them. You will just have to live with the fact that you are a goldfish murderer. Get over it.
My two goldfish have been alive and swimming for over two years now. I’d say we got our moneys worth after that first 24 hours. Anyone willing to clean my tank?